my body feels so heavy

my arms, limbs, eyelids

my mouth turned down at the corners

my heart in my stomach

and my head clouded so thick.

i imagined the door closing,

light disappearing.

blackness.

and that wall being rebuilt,

brick by brick –

yet

the chasm was wider,

deeper and darker.

the cries of anguish

of resentment

of screaming, “why?”

repeatedly –

were my own.

those unbidden,

silent,

tears –

teasing me,

my raw emotion

mimicked in salt.

panic sets in.

palpitations,

quickness of breath,

shaking hands,

shivers intense.

the foetal position,

in my sacred space.

the sun didn’t cheer me

though

it shone direct

on my face.

self pity wound itself,

serpentine,

around my heart.

snaked my thoughts

my words –

such sharp darts.

the ache of my soul

felt deep within my bones.

simply nowhere to turn.

 

Maaaan, that is so utterly lethargic… painful, but still a useful tool – I’m talking about writing, about writing about your pain, your fears, your love, your emotions in general… and for every poet, it’s the same – we are only trying to describe the indescribable!

Needless to say, I’m in a better place now – these raw emotions were felt not so long ago, at the start of this year. However, that really was one roller coast of a ride, right down that canyon and straight into the watery depths at the bottom of a steep roaring waterfall. It took me a while to get my head up, out of that water, and begin the swim back to shore.

I couldn’t have done it without my family and friends. I am blessed. Thank you 🙂

 

 

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