i saw a sign

Sometimes throughout life, I forget that I need to stop and take a moment, to wonder about and note all the little things out there in life that make it beautiful to me, such as little reminders to stay strong and keep going.

In times of sheer dejection, when I couldn’t raise my head or hold my chin up high, I have walked down the streets in London and Luxembourg feeling rather lost. Until I saw a sign – literally.

take courage

Located in Southwark, London, I would go past this particular Ghost Sign every day as I went to and from work when I lived in Herne Hill and worked in Angel.

While I was in an abusive relationship, I recall heeding this sign and clinging onto it’s meaning for the entire day at work; “Take courage, you’ve got this – you can and will get through your whole work day without panicking.” Then, on the way back to my abusive ex boyfriend after work; “Take courage, you can do this – you can work out how to get through your evening.” On those evenings, I would be living each day as it came, simply hoping I’d survive and mentally and make it through to the next day.

This sign, in a life devoid of friendships and love, was all I had – and it offered me so much hope. It kept me sane, in it’s own way.

Fast forward some 11 years later and I’m sitting in a cafe in Luxembourg typing this up – my life is a world away from what it was; I earn 4 x as much money as I did back then, I have a home that I have actually lived in for more than 5 years now, and a car that I bought myself – my little mule that gets me all over Europe whenever I get the chance to disappear.

I’m also a million miles from the person who I was back on that train trundling along from Herne Hill to London Bridge, and back again. But I still get moments of anxiety, and insecurity – not about myself or how I look, but rather, whether this is all for some greater purpose, or if I am still just the fatalist that I have always been, or is it now, “used to be” – riding along on the waves of “whatever comes my way” but also being pushed by that, and in no way in control.

Oddly, I was having this thought as I was walking down to town this beautifully moody grey morning. Then I looked up, and across the road:

20190619_095310

It honestly made me laugh out loud!

It’s so true though – none of us are lost. We are exactly where we need to be, right here, right now.

One love xx

 

 

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. catlover57 says:

    Hi,

    Love your blog, but can’t help being very envious.

    You have “moments of anxiety and insecurity”? As I understand it, you’ve never been out of work since you arrived in Luxembourg, whereas I have only worked for just over a year in total since September 2010. Trying to live on basic benefits of 16.75 euros a day teaches one the real meaning of “anxiety and insecurity”.

    The reason I never went ahead with my blog is that it would just be too f***ing depressing.

    What wouldn’t I give to be walking to work along the Avenue de la Liberté😢

    So, count your blessings …and enjoy the Fête nationale.

    As you like

    Liked by 1 person

    1. JojoBean says:

      Oh my, that’s quite shit… I can feel your anger and frustration – I’m sorry to hear it’s been so tough 😦 I actually didn’t think you were in Luxembourg for the entire past 9 years, but rather, travelling around.

      Yes, I do have those moments – doesn’t everyone? And, as I have said on numerous posts, I’m incredibly fortunate in a lot of ways, but also incredibly resourceful – for which I am extremely grateful – and I do count my blessings daily.

      I also just came out of 2 months of serious depression, where I lashed out at everyone, including close friends and family. It was REALLY hard to not get swallowed up in misery. Really hard to pull myself out of that mindset.

      Just because I am fortunate financially, doesn’t mean I am fortunate mentally or emotionally – but I am working on it! 🙏🏼🙏🏼

      Wishing you all the best xx

      Like

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